GOA-THE WEATHER, THE WAVES AND THE WARMTH

Rain lover, beach lover, insect lover, they’re all here,
Small roads, long rides, no traffic, no cacophony you’ll hear.

Old buildings soaked in time, with a story to narrate,
Of an era gone-by, of people who did stand and wait.

Narrow lanes, leading into the waters, pure riverbanks, virgin shores,
Calm waves, soft ripples, sand between your toes,

Enigmatic, yet quaint; so delightfully secure,
You can try as hard as you want, you can’t escape the lure.

Of sunrises you wouldn’t ever dream of,
Of the most glowing sunsets, leaving you in awe.

A malady when you arrive, a drug when you leave,
A cure for the broken heart, a soft touch when you grieve.

Goa’s all that, yet so much more,
Obvious yet oblivious, awake to the present, yet glowing in the look it once wore.

Growing on you, deceiving you all along,
Till you forget where you came from and begin to belong.

You know you're in love when?

1. You wear his favourite perfume while hoping its not the only reason, he'll want to come closer.

2.He's left town, but his number's still on speed dial and you keep calling hoping to hear his voice.
3.You cant seem to fall asleep without that magical Goodnight conversation even if it just lasts 15 seconds.

4.His favourite song plays in your head even when its dead quiet around.

5.It gives you a mild satisfaction, just to know that he breathes somewhere just the way you do.

6.You wake up before him, but wait for his voice to get you out of bed.

7.The smell of his cologne in the air, makes you frantically look around for him.

8.You cant help wonderin how cute he'd look in that shirt you saw on the mannequin.

9.When he ends up burning it instead of baking it, and you still think its the best thing you've eaten.

10.When you're with him, its so easy to smile even though its been twenty minutes since either of you spoke.

Does Life actually Go on?

The ANGST,
Of the lost touch of a loving father,
Of the tears she shed wishing it were all a bad dream,
Of the man she dreamt of, who would never be,
Of the heartbreak from a man, who almost was,
Of a heart too scared to love.
Will remain untold...

The MEMORIES,
Of the warmth in each dream,
Of the genuine effort to reform,
Of the blood trickling down free like water,
Of the consummate pain and bitterness,
Of the fear of self-destruction,
Will never Unfold.

Life goes on, mechanically,
For the millions who don't know her,
For the millions who never will,
For those who once loved her but left,
For those whom she loved and died within in wait,
For the man, she needed the most.

Life does go On.

Why are we Sad?

Its because we're scared.

We're scared that good times are over for good.
We're scared of screwing up again.
We're scared of someone screwing us over again.
We're scared of trusting someone because we're so stuck in this illusory conviction that they're all the same.
We're scared to believe that there's an end to the tunnel, because we're too busy brooding over the dark interiors.
We're scared of breathing, because we're all going to die someday, why wait?

Thats what happens when we're sad. We resign ourselves to this all-pervasive conquering fear. The fear to simply and merely live.

The fear to move on. Thats why we're sad.

Pearl Harbor

I don't know how the thought of writing about this never occurred to me. Despite the million times I've watched it, the zillion tears I've shed for it, the many more times that I've craved for a love like this.

Everything about this movie gives me goose-flesh. The plot, the music, the wonderful visuals, but most of all, the love-story. The entwined lives of Danny, Evelyn and Rafe. I couldn't perhaps ever believe in love like Rafe again because I grew to believe things like that don't exist. I don't know a soul today who could tell his love all in the midst of feeling betrayed and cheated, " When I was lying half-dead, I made a deal with God. If I could just see you one more time, I would never ask for anything again. And you know what I'll keep my word." Rafe's love is something that would remain in my memory as the perfect example of true love. Selfless, Giving, yet so content with just the feeling of loving someone so much.

Evelyn's love for Rafe, half the world away, is something else which is so beautiful. The amount of solace she finds in his letters. Images of her sitting by the sunset, while she writes to Rafe " Every night I watch the sunset and soak up the last ounce of heat from its long tired day and send it from my heart to yours." Such a patient kind of love. Distant, yet constantly bound by thoughts. Being alone, yet never truly in the sense of the word, because Rafe's love was constantly with her. Something I still look at and smile, admiring the love she bears for him.

Evelyn and Danny's love-story is reminiscent of two teenagers falling in love. Torn by grief with the news of Rafe's death, finding complete solitude in the pathos within each other's hearts. Willingly letting each other pick up the broken pieces of their lives, trying to put it all back together, but silently worrying that war doesn't crush their lives again. So much of togetherness, in common pain, so much of love in the pangs of loneliness.

And finally, as death did do apart Rafe and Evelyn, it did bring them back together. Danny's death while trying to save Rafe seems like fate wanting Rafe to be with the woman he loved and reason he lived, for the rest of his life. It seems ironic when Evelyn tells Rafe before he and Danny leave for war, " I'll never stop loving you, but I'm going to give my heart to Danny. But I also can never look at another sunset without thinking of you.", Because the last scene of the movie, shows Rafe and Evelyn walk into the sunset together, as two lovers, as a family, as two people in whose hearts Danny will live forever.

Pearl Harbor, the movie, for me, will remain this ode to love, though it may for many others, simply remain as a recreation of what made America join the war. Every piece of music by Hans Zimmer's soundtrack for the movie leaves me with the image of the warm sunset. Of the love these three characters bore for each other. Of the kind of love, I wish I ever get to experience someday. Simple, Innocent, True, COMPLETE!

Who I was and Who I am..

Two smiles I wear in quiet denial,
Two lives I lead in silent oblivion.

Each blow of time lands me in fresh pain,
obvious to the world, yet to myself a mystery I remain.

Crushed embers burn my path, as I walk past the rubble of yesterday,
The sun shines on brighter, but time seems to have frozen today.

I've cried over my wounds, as I saw them bleed me dry,
A part of me drowned each time, at a moment that person did die.

The seeds of time sowed a new existence, a new life,
I live with the hope of a happier tomorrow, I will break free from the strife.

Each breath is calmer, this is a living, not a quest for survival,
This is what they are, the pain and the hope are these smiles of denial.

Whats that pain in the heart called?

Ever felt like that?

That numbing..heart-wrenching feeling in the middle of your chest that sort of kills you with each breath you take?

Its cold. Its deathly. But its there. Inside of you. Calling out to you. Begging you to fix it. To do something to stop the pain. While you are too absorbed in the misery of living, drowned in tears oblivious to these calls from within.

Thats what it is. Thats exactly heartbreak. Heartache. Whatever you want to call it. Thats what it is.

It happens you know. In most cases, when you love someone way more than you love yourself. There goes that feeling of doing something for yourself because in true Bryan Adams style everything you do, you do it for him!

And yet, at times whatever you do, is not sufficient. It falls short. Your love falls that tad short of his expected standards from his prior experience(which you now wish you could wipe off the face of this earth with utmost brutality). And when you do feel ineligible to be loved back in return like you expect to, you squirm back into the realms of your self and let your feelings be thrown away like grains of sand as each wave of criticism wipes out their existence.

And then again, when that pain spurts off a new kind of feeling, of insecurity, of despair, of helplessness and you cringe and scream and retort with aggression, you turn out to be the bad one. He wouldn't ever understand that you can't suddenly forget the past and when it hits you right between the eyes, its bound to hurt. Forget him. For a fact, not a soul in this world can experience the helplessness and the anger all the same time that that foolish heart of yours feels.

Its a pity. Its a grave pity that the heart that wants to love is told to not to love. A heart that wants to give is accused of accusing. A heart that wants a future is told to get over the past, when the past is dictating our present.

The future can never be bright for two people who choose to delve in the past. Who choose to bring back bad memories of may I add bad people and jeaopardise the present. How can these people even make the mistake of dreaming of a future together when they can't get past their simple flaws? How does that work? It doesn't and never will.

Time lost is lost forever and doesn't return ever. Bad memories are Bad news for the present and great news for a relationship-epitaph if thats what two people want out of a battle of who did what and who has wronged who more.

But in the middle of all this, the heart of this dreamer has cried out loud. Because it is broken into as many countless parts as it cant imagine itself. This is an ode. An ode to a lover, a dreamer, thrown in the sea of reality who stopped dreaming..Just because it hurts too much to dream. Because some dreams are never meant to come true! They just die their own silent deaths with each tick on the clock. And life surprisingly, still goes on.